Take That!

So there, CyberGuy. See...at least somebody thinks I'm fabulous.

You Are Boston

Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots.Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best.And quite frankly, you think you are the best. Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O'Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block

What American City Are You?

I Love This

And now for something completely different...

I'm taking a break from whining (although I do still dearly want your comments) to put a little somethin' here. And it ain't it cool!

Thanks to Texpatriate and Bookhart, who I stole the idea from. (I know there is a way to link to their blogs from here, but I don't know how - sorry.)

So I'm Reduced to This

Begging friends and people I hardly know (or don't know at all) to weigh in with their opinions. If you're new here (and if you are, bless your heart for taking pity on me) you may want to scroll down to the post on January 11 and get all the background on this pathetic situation. Yes, you'll wince, as I do, everytime I read the childlike delight and naivete (however you spell it) with which I posted earlier.

On the up side, today is day however-many that I haven't called him. So there. Yea me.

I can't help it, though (and yes, this is where I have always, always, always screwed up in relationships, since I was 12) feel like I'm being a little, I don't know, mean or small-minded or something by not calling to check on him after he's had surgery. I'M NOT GOING TO as nobody but nobody thinks it's a good or even a not horrible idea. Just seems to me that it would be the nice thing to do. But hey, where does nice get you, right?? Where does treating a guy the way you want to be treated get ya?? It gets your little heart stomped all over.

Okay, now I'm just being melodramatic so I'll stop.

On Again, Off Again

Well. I don't know. And I'm so freaking tired of even hearing myself say and think those words.

To get up to speed...I heard from guy on Saturday, after not hearing from him since the Sunday previous. That Sunday, he sounded sick as a dog and was not doing well at all. I thought after I talked to him that afternoon that he may well be in the hospital by the next day. I left him a voicemail Thursday, just wondering how you're doing, blah, blah. Anyway, he called Saturday (notice how I'm glossing right over Valentine's Day here) and said that he had gotten my message and was returning the call. He had been pretty out of it on meds and was having surgery Tuesday (which was yesterday). He said he appreciated my calling and would try to keep me posted.

Not exactly a great phone call. It seemed that he was calling only to be polite and if I had not left him a voicemail, he wouldn't have thought about calling. Or that was my impression, anyway.

My question to you, dear readers, is at what point do I officially write him off? I mean, when should he have called by if was interested at all??

As much as I'd like to deny it, I'm thinking he's not. Interested at all, that is. I hate admitting this, but I sent him a cute Valentine's card and nope, not a word about it. Maybe he was immobilized by meds and/or illness. It's possible, I suppose.

As I'm writing this and seeing it staring me in the face in black and white, I think I know the answer (sigh) as much as I'd like to think otherwise.

In fact, I've already had this entire conversation, only in much, much greater detail, with L. and she was of the opinion that the phone call sounded like a cold shower and to cut my losses and move on. If I hear from him, fine. Go from there. But don't be counting on it. She's right. I know she's right.

I can conclude only that our whole thing was one of the following two scenarios: A) He was away from home, bored, and lonely and that was what made me so appealing to him and said appeal vanished when he returned home or B) There was somebody who he'd been seeing in town before he left and when he returned, they picked back up. Or maybe a combination of the two.

If any of the three people who read this know any cute, no they don't even have to be cute, how about simply smart and interesting guys, do send them my way. Only not via this blog. Of course. No guy who is potentially interested in me needs to read all this crap.

Updates

Most people reading this already have the 411. But to summarize, CyberGuy told me that basically -- he is interested in me just that he has simply had a very rough couple of weeks and that when his health issues are resolved he will be back to normal. (Health issues being a somewhat major surgery coming up soon.)

I gave him an easy out, which he didn't take. From there, I made a conscious decision to suspend disbelief and give him the benefit of the doubt. This mainly means that I have to be patient, which, believe me, is NOT one of my strong points, by any stretch of the imagination. But I am going to stay low-key and wait until he is back to normal and then see if normal is anything like the CyberGuy who I first met and really, really liked.

I'll keep you posted on how this goes. (-:

In the meantime, I did have an epiphany yesterday (thanks, L.!). See, a dear friend had been trying, quite tactfully, to point out that perhaps it was ME who was being self absorbed by not stopping to think about how said health issues may be affecting his whole outlook.

Instead, I was all focused on how he just didn't like me anymore and if he did, doesn't he seem like he'd be concerned about how his behavior, and the radical change thereof, was affecting me. Notice something there? All those "me's"?? Yeah, see that? I didn't for some reason. Now that I can objectively look at it from that angle, I feel pretty silly. And spoiled. And more silly.

Now the only danger is going to be my going 180 degrees in the opposite direction; going overboard to reassure him that I'm not self absorbed and I am, in fact, interested, blah, blah, blah. Unfortunately, experience has told me that anytime you're honest and act as interested as you really are, it carries an inherent risk of running off the guy. So I must practice some restraint, and like patience, it's not something I'm experienced with.

In two weeks, I'll be in the city where he lives for the weekend. Do I casually drop into conversation that I'll be there and hopes that he jumps on that and asks about meeting me? Or do I not even let him know I'll be there and wait until he's all recovered before we make that step?

A Little Help, Here?

You know, I don't know. I really don't.

CyberGuy, I must admit, did seem to be too good to be true. I think perhaps he is. Everything was all just lovely...extended emails and phone conversations that were so freaking fun and full of stuff we have in common and funny stories and just good, good stuff...until about a week and a half ago.

He's been sick. Or is sick, rather, with some stomach ulcer/acid reflux/I don't even know what thing that required an endoscopy last week and an additional procedure will be done this Wednesday. He has apologized, four or five times, for not calling and emailing as usual AND for not being himself when he does so. He feels awful, I know he does. He said yesterday that it even hurts to sit upright at the computer for any amount of time. He can't eat much of anything and has trouble sleeping for more than an hour or two at a time.

So, yes, I'm being incredibly whiny and high maintenance. I know this so you don't even have to say it.

But he emailed late Friday evening and called yesterday, feeling somewhat better AND apologizing again for not being himself, blah, blah, blah. He also said he'd call later last night. Yeah and he didn't. And hasn't called or emailed today, either.

Now, I realize he could be in dire pain or even in the hospital. But in the darkest part of my heart, I believe he simply - for reasons that I do not fathom - does not like me as much anymore.

Those guys who wrote that book, "He's Just Not That Into You," would agree with me here. Their whole things is, basically, if a guy wants to call you, he will. That's it. Pretty simple, huh?

What do you think?

Again, I know I'm neurotic, so you don't even have to comment and tell me that you think I'm that, b/c I know that already. What I DON'T know is what to make of this whole situation. On the one hand, if he was trying to blow me off, for whatever reason, why does he keep calling and during said call, promising to call and email more frequently?? I mean, if he wasn't interested anymore, wouldn't he quit calling period? It's beginning to feel like a mind f*ck. Am I overreacting?

Opinions, needed, please, especially from boys, as I need some insight into the male mind.

And the apartment that I had heard would be available last week - nope, uh uh, the tenants didn't move out. I think I WILL NEVER EVER find a place to live.

This afternoon, I let my child take a two and a half hour nap (and thoroughly enjoyed the peace and quiet and writing time, might I add), which means he'll be up all night. You know what else? I'm going to stay up and watch all of the Super Bowl.

So there.

Yes, I'm having a pity party.